Ran into my ex yesterday and he did something to completely get under my skin. Funny though, I was hanging out with some friends after and he came up in conversation. Found out a ton of things I wasn’t aware of during the end of our relationship. It’s funny because he fell for tricks someone else was playing to the multiples. In turn, our relationship ended, for reasons more than one. You screwed up boy, you really screwed up.
Never the less, because of his irresponsibility and carelessness, I couldn’t be more happy to be out of that relationship. I also couldn’t be more happy to regain friendships that we’re lost because of him.
In the end, I came out on top. :)
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Worked on a photo shoot for a friend’s project. As Tyra would say, “Here’s your best shot.”
Would be nothing without these locos. Meet my siblings. :)
Been wanting to get back on track with my health before my big move to California. I’ve heard great reviews about this work out. If you’d like, join my through my journey. I just completed day 1. If this goes how I hope, upon my last day, I’ll post before and after photos of my achievements.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Pc-NizMgg8
Good Luck, :)
Found my old xanga and decided to take a stroll down memory lane. Some posts were funny, some, not so much. This post made me stop and reflect on my entire life. A few tears inevitably followed.
I made that post in 2005, when I was 15 years old. Back then, I was in a dark place and never really had anyone to turn to. I wasn’t the closest with my sister, brother or parents and the only people I could really talk to were my four best friends: Chrissy, Michelle, Kelly, and Dani, even though, I felt like sometimes they just didnt understand. I hid my family issues fairly well. I was always full of smiles and laughter, and always wanted to help others with their own problems instead of letting mine surface. It probably wasn’t so healthy. I honestly never thought I would be able to break free from the stress and negativity in my home life.
Through the years, it only got tougher. I would constantly beg my mom to just pick up and leave my dads house.. I was young and naive, however I knew what she, my sister, brother and I deserved as a family, and it wasn’t what we we had been living in for years. The thing I didn’t understand was how tough it was to actually leave. For my mom to leave the person she built a life with for 20+ years. I felt like she tried to explain it, but I never understood until I went though the same thing. It was then that I realized that my mother and I weren’t so different, after all.
Looking back on it now, however, I’ve realized how far I’ve come in life. And not just me, but the people in my family. Fast forward to 2012 and I am 22 years old, a few months away from graduating college, and literally weeks away from moving on my own to the West Coast. I’ve been out of my father’s house for four years, and it is a tremendous feeling. Because of the obstacles I was faced with, I’ve not only surpassed them, but I’ve also created a strong and stable future for myself. I am a strong, beautiful and independent woman. No one on this earth can take that away from me.
I can’t wait to be this tan again! Summer glow all year round once I’m in California! …can’t believe it’s two and a half months away!
My dreams are finally becoming my reality. <3
Lessons Learned From Recent Texts:
Left - Some people never change.
Right - This is how it should be.
@BrianPuspos | Brian Puspos Choreography | Fumble by Trey Songz (by Brian Puspos)
this is painfully honest. i can feel every sense of emotion that brian is trying to convey here.
this song too, really hits home. ive been doing okay without you, but i almost wish you would say these things to me and actually mean them.
I’m not really sure. I’m probably over thinking it though…
Yeah, I’m probably over thinking it.
for anyone who has gone through any type of break up that was half as bad as mine was.
(via kushandwizdom)
If you know me, you know how much I was in love with my last boyfriend. If you’re close to me, you’ve probably witnessed me cry at least once over the past months because of our break up. It was the worst, drawn out, emotionally draining break up I’ve ever had. I still struggle with it everyday.
I realized today though, the reason behind our break up being so hard is because we didn’t have a normal break up. I didn’t leave the relationship because I fell out of love or because I found someone else. I left the relationship because I had more respect for myself than he did.
It took me a little while to learn this concept, self worth. During the time we dated, I was so blinded by the love and intimacy that we shared together that I let moments of contempt and weakness breeze by without notice. Having it carry on led me to become weak and forget standards I had set for myself by lessons learned from my past.
Now, I know I could have avoided all of the heartache and tears for months if I had just listend to those around me, but sometimes your heart just over powers everything. Regardless if it was the right thing to do or not, I learned something either way. Everyone has a breaking point and fortunately although unfortunately, I reached mine.
Reflecting upon everything that happened between him and me, I’m actually disappointed in the both of us. I can’t really speak for him, because right about now, he acts like he never liked me, ever, which completely sucks, but I feel like we overstayed our welcome in each others lives by a lot. We definitely could have avoided the hostility we feel towards each other if we ended things a lot earlier, or worked things out in a different way. But regardless, what happened happened. I definitely learned from it, and I learned that above all, I need to think about myself and make sure that I am happy and respected.
One thing that I can thank him for through all of this is that I’m raising my standards for the next guy that comes along. I will not tolerate addiction. I will not tolerate disrespect. I will not tolerate lies, and I’m definitely not going to tolerate fighting the way he and I did. It’s never okay for a man to raise his voice at a woman, let alone call her a whore or a dumb bitch. The next time a significant other swears at me in a demeaning way, I’m walking right then and there. I watched my father do it to my mother my entire life and I walked right into the same relationship. For that, I’m angry with myself.
Knowing that we’re not together still hurts me sometimes, but I know it was the right choice for me. For the time being, I don’t want to see you, talk to you, text you, hear your voice, let alone your name, but please believe me when I say, it’s not because I hate you. I don’t hate you.. I don’t think I ever could. I just need to move on.
And you know what? It’s finally happening.
I just celebrated my 22nd birthday last week and for a while, leading up to, I was really nervous. I couldn’t grasp my mind around that concept that you wouldn’t be there with me, considering the fact that last year for my 21st birthday, we were on vacation together in California. I realized how significant you were in my life last year, and how, almost in an instant, you were gone. It stings to think about that, but I need to realize that nothing in life is permanent, though everything in life is a lesson.
As long as I remember the good times we had, I’ll definitely be okay. I believe this because I’m starting to trust people again; I’m starting to be happy again. I’m not crying over bad memories because someone is showing me respect that I deserve and is giving me reason to genuinely smile, everyday. I’m starting to make new memories. Slowly, but surely, I’m moving on.
-A.
