Day 13: Stance on premarital sex.

It’s not that I believe or don’t believe, I just believe in waiting until your ready. By that, I don’t mean when you first get your period and your hormones are raging. That’s actually probably the worst time. I mean when you are mentally and emotionally ready for it.

My advice to a raging hormonal teen would be to wait until after youre done with high school.  I’ll tell you why.. When you’re in high school, especially being a girl, you’re really sensitive. You have body image issues, “mean girls” that are walking the halls, and usually you are rebelling against parents and parents are always nagging. It’s a lot for a young woman to handle. If you throw that into the mix of losing your virginity, it’s kind of an overload.

I don’t want to sound like a bitch, but that joke about girls being clingy or seriously depressed after losing their virginity is more often times than not, true. I think teen girls think their first time is supposed to be magical and romantic, and have sparkles and shooting stars, when really it’s the opposite. It hurts, sometimes you bleed, and it really lasts about five seconds if it’s the guys first time as well. The worst part, is sometimes when a guy is finished, he’s really finished and doesn’t talk to you at all. It’s a big let down, and if you’re a vulnerable teenager, this might feel like the end of the world.

I’ll make this more personal. I waited to have sex until I was done with high school. (Currently in my third year of college, and 21 years old) I had plenty of opportunity while I was in high school, but I just knew it was a waste of time. It was either wait, have sex and have everyone find out, or possibly get pregnant. (almost everyone was at my school, or is now.) I knew I wasn’t going to marry any one from my high school and I was just always focused on college and the hundreds of new people I was going to eventually meet. Which I did. What got me to this point? ..My boyfriend, sophomore year. We were dating for about two months. I thought we were happy, things were going good. One day, we were hanging out and things got a little heated. Basically, he tried to get me to take my clothes off and have sex, and I told him no, that it made me uncomfortable and I wasn’t ready. He was okay with it, and I thought okay, cool. Move on. A week later, he broke up with me. Shocker, right? His exact words to me when it happened: “Baby, if you show me you love me, then we can stay together, forever..” What was my response? Well, first I slapped in across the face, then I told him to fuck off and walked away. I was angry, annoyed, and had tears coming down my face, but I knew I did the right thing. Would you guys seriously have wanted your first time to be with “that guy”? Come on now. If that wasn’t reason enough, my other main reason for waiting until at least after high school was the fear of getting pregnant. I didn’t want to be 16 and pregnant and have to drop out of high school. If I was going to accidentally get pregnant, I at least wanted some sort of achievement in my life beforehand. I just saw the same thing happen left and right. I knew I didn’t wanna be a part of the stereotype.  I mean, I liked people my remaining two years, but I never pursued anyone. I knew the same thing would probably happen again.

I met a really nice guy my senior year. We started dating one month prior to graduation. Our relationship lasted about 6 months, and sometime during those six months was when I lost my virginity. (I do remember when, I just don’t want this completely specific). It wasn’t this big romantic thing, and I wasn’t expecting it to be. It was basically how I described it above, haha. It hurt and everything, but I wasn’t scared. I trusted him, he never pressured me to have sex. He told me if it was too uncomfortable, we could stop at anytime and he wasn’t mad when we did. He kept telling me that it was all about me and if I wasn’t ready, then he wasn’t going to be ready either. I still thank him for that today. I mean, unfortunately, our relationship didn’t work out for other reasons, but I’m glad that I met him and that he was the person I shared my first time with.

With all that being said, if you’re a young teen reading this post, I really hope that you do take my advice, or at least consider taking it. It you decide to do it when you’re young and scared, and then hate it, you’re going to regret it, no doubt and remember for the rest of your life that you had sex before you were ready. But why do that when you can just wait. If you don’t know what it feels like, then you’re not missing out on anything. If you think you’re craving it, you’re wrong. You can’t crave something you’ve never tasted or felt. Just wait. It’s not waiting forever, it’s just waiting at least until you’re done with high school and you’re completely ready. I guarantee you, waiting until your ready and comfortable makes it a thousand times better.