Ran into my ex yesterday and he did something to completely get under my skin. Funny though, I was hanging out with some friends after and he came up in conversation. Found out a ton of things I wasn’t aware of during the end of our relationship. It’s funny because he fell for tricks someone else was playing to the multiples. In turn, our relationship ended, for reasons more than one. You screwed up boy, you really screwed up. 

Never the less, because of his irresponsibility and carelessness, I couldn’t be more happy to be out of that relationship. I also couldn’t be more happy to regain friendships that we’re lost because of him. 

In the end, I came out on top. :)  

If you know me, you know how much I was in love with my last boyfriend. If you’re close to me, you’ve probably witnessed me cry at least once over the past months because of our break up. It was the worst, drawn out, emotionally draining break up I’ve ever had. I still struggle with it everyday.

I realized today though, the reason behind our break up being so hard is because we didn’t have a normal break up. I didn’t leave the relationship because I fell out of love or because I found someone else. I left the relationship because I had more respect for myself than he did.

It took me a little while to learn this concept, self worth. During the time we dated, I was so blinded by the love and intimacy that we shared together that I let moments of contempt and weakness breeze by without notice. Having it carry on led me to become weak and forget standards I had set for myself by lessons learned from my past. 

Now, I know I could have avoided all of the heartache and tears for months if I had just listend to those around me, but sometimes your heart just over powers everything. Regardless if it was the right thing to do or not, I learned something either way. Everyone has a breaking point and fortunately although unfortunately, I reached mine.

Reflecting upon everything that happened between him and me, I’m actually disappointed in the both of us. I can’t really speak for him, because right about now, he acts like he never liked me, ever, which completely sucks, but I feel like we overstayed our welcome in each others lives by a lot. We definitely could have avoided the hostility we feel towards each other if we ended things a lot earlier, or worked things out in a different way. But regardless, what happened happened. I definitely learned from it, and I learned that above all, I need to think about myself and make sure that I am happy and respected.

One thing that I can thank him for through all of this is that I’m raising my standards for the next guy that comes along. I will not tolerate addiction. I will not tolerate disrespect. I will not tolerate lies, and I’m definitely not going to tolerate fighting the way he and I did. It’s never okay for a man to raise his voice at a woman, let alone call her a whore or a dumb bitch. The next time a significant other swears at me in a demeaning way, I’m walking right then and there. I watched my father do it to my mother my entire life and I walked right into the same relationship. For that, I’m angry with myself.

Knowing that we’re not together still hurts me sometimes, but I know it was the right choice for me. For the time being, I don’t want to see you, talk to you, text you, hear your voice, let alone your name, but please believe me when I say, it’s not because I hate you. I don’t hate you.. I don’t think I ever could.  I just need to move on.

And you know what? It’s finally happening.

I just celebrated my 22nd birthday last week and for a while, leading up to, I was really nervous. I couldn’t grasp my mind around that concept that you wouldn’t be there with me, considering the fact that last year for my 21st birthday, we were on vacation together in California. I realized how significant you were in my life last year, and how, almost in an instant, you were gone. It stings to think about that, but I need to realize that nothing in life is permanent, though everything in life is a lesson.

As long as I remember the good times we had, I’ll definitely be okay. I believe this because I’m starting to trust people again; I’m starting to be happy again. I’m not crying over bad memories because someone is showing me respect that I deserve and is giving me reason to genuinely smile, everyday. I’m starting to make new memories. Slowly, but surely, I’m moving on. 

-A.

Every girl deserves to feel this special.

A friend wrote me a poem a few years ago and recited it infront of a showcase filled with our closest friends. He started by saying, “This poem is dedicated to a girl who doesn’t know this poem is dedicated to her.” After a few lines, I knew, as well as everyone else in the room, that the poem was about me. I have never felt more honored, loved and slightly embarrassed in my life, haha. At any rate, I’ve been feeling very down in the dumps as of late, but he sent me this poem today. It’s the first time I’ve read it since the night he performed it. As soon as I saw it, the biggest smile spread across my face. I was happy.

Reading his poem made me realize that every girl deserves to feel this special. If someone isn’t giving you the amount of respect or love you deserve, maybe that person isn’t right for you.

If your significant other isn’t respecting you or loving you the way you should be, there will always be someone else who will. And when you find that person, may he or she exceed your expectations and make you the happiest person on Earth.